Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Food

Dear Goodson Children,
On Saturday night, at the annual Chili cook off, I took 2nd place. 2nd place! And I didn't even try all that hard. I flipped through my homemade cookbook Saturday morning and picked up the ingredients that afternoon. By 5:30pm the house smelled good and we had award winning chili. Viola! Now, don't get me wrong, I am no Julia Childs. But I CAN cook. Decent, edible meals are possible from my kitchen.

One day, dear children, YOU will be the one faced with cooking for YOUR children. And I hate to do it to you but I wish with every fiber of my being that they are as picky as each of you. More so, if that is even possible.

I hope they ask what's for dinner and then cut you off mid-sentence wailing, "Ohhhhhhhhh NO! I HATE THAT!!!!!!" Even if it is something that they have never heard of until that very moment and can't have a CLUE as to what is in it or what it might taste like.

I hope you stand in the middle of the grocery store, surrounded by food, and wonder what you can buy that they will eat.

I hope that when you do find something that two of them will eat that the third gags on it, every single time.

I hope they sit at the table and cry over perfectly good food.

I hope they are eventually sent to their beds with empty stomachs because they refused to try anything on their plates.

I hope your 6 six year old sons weigh 35 lbs.

I hope you have to beg your friends for food ideas. Then realize after the second suggestion that your children are not normal eaters and nothing you are hearing would interest them in the least.

I hope your 4Ker comes out of class at noon SO excited because at snack time he had banana pudding and he LOVED it. And you are SO excited that he ate something and loved it that you drive directly to the grocery store, find the 'Nilla Wafers, buy all the ingredients on the back of the box, rush home and make it for him. Then, as he hesitantly takes a bite, he declares it awful. And you ask his teacher the next day and she says they made instant vanilla pudding, not banana pudding. And it turns out that your son only liked the 'shaking' part of this snack, not the 'eating' part.

I hope your toddlers put one piece of food in their mouth and hold it there, without swallowing. Thus preventing you from adding the next bite. I hope they get up from their nap 2 hours later with that same bite still in their mouth, apparently afraid you'd try to feed them as they slept.

I hope you have to report at every doctor visit that your children do not eat, they live off air. You are not sure how they poop, because pooping would require eating at some point. And the pediatrician, like your friends, tries to give you suggestions. Suggestions that aren't even close to something your child would eat.

I hope that before you leave on vacation you spend a week making a very short list of foods that the grandparents MIGHT sneak into your children while you are gone.

I hope that you are embarrassed when well meaning friends say, "Ah, just let them eat with us tonight, we're just having xxxxxx." Because you KNOW your child would never eat that. So you just say you'd better be getting home.

I hope you go to bed at night wondering if they took ONE bite of anything that day.

My dear children, I will continue to cook good food for you. It is my job. I love you and want you to EAT. Something. Anything! But I am so very frustrated with you right now. I don't want to eat the entire bowl of vegetable beef soup. It starts to get old after the 4th day in a row. And I am leaving your father out of this entirely because if I got started on his picky-ness it would be even less cheerful of a post than it is now. (But seriously, who doesn't eat pasta?)

Anyway, BON APPETIT!

Love, Mom

4 comments:

The McGee's said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lynn said...

Every post you write, I crack up laughing. I'm sorry about all the work you put into cooking and then your kids don't eat it. Sometimes I'm sure you would rather not cook because one if not all of them will complain about it. I know you love your family so you will continue to cook and everything else that goes with being a good parent (mom).

Natalie said...

You make me laugh so hard!! I am sorry your children are like this! I would be soooo frustrated if my kids were this bad. They have their moments but I do not think they can top the Goodson children :/ Your kids are going to enjoy this letter when they get older!

The Crazy Coxes said...

We're laughing WITH you, not at you! You are making me so glad that I never had picky eaters. I can't wait to read your posts about your grandchildren!!!